How Centenary Students Get Out of the Closet?

Coming out is not something that you do once, and, afterward, it’s done for the rest of your life. It’s a decision that queer people have to make every day. Each experience of coming out is unique for each person, making it particularly heroic.

Within a school, coming out may be more or less accepted, depending on where you are. At Centenary, many testify that they are in a safe environment, which makes it possible for them to do it comfortably.

Nowadays, it is still not a choice for everyone to come out, and the responses to it can, to a certain extent, be upsetting, even traumatic, depending on the environment.

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Sophia was in 8th grade when she realized she wasn’t straight. When she first came out to her mother, her mother answered: "you’ll get over it " "it’s just a phase." Sophia’s mother ignored and dismissed her understanding of herself as a queer person, which was quite discouraging.

In high school, her understanding that she was not straight persisted. She came out to her sister, and that went smoothly. Sophia was relieved that her sister had this reaction and shared this part of her identity that her mother had discounted. She needed this recognition.

Not long ago, she was driving with her dad, who asked: "one of your friends, is she gay?". After Sophia answered in the affirmative, her dad asked her if this girl had a crush on her. She said no but that she had one on that girl. Surprised, her dad kept driving and didn’t say anything for the rest of the trip.

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Ashley came out at fifteen years old. Telling her mother was and wasn’t a choice at the same time. She felt terrible about her old toxic relationship with her girlfriend and cried when she told her mother. After that, her mother gave her a hug but didn’t talk to her for a week. She never came out to her father, scared that it would break something between them.

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Lisa’s coming out wasn’t a choice, as her mother found out via Lisa’s phone messages. Her ex-girlfriend also outed Lisa to all their friends and peers. It was not a problem for her family, as she said that her mother always told her that her family knew before her that she was gay. Still, it was not consensual.

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Steven talked with his mother about the fact that he was questioning if he was lesbian. When he came out as a lesbian, it didn’t feel right for him. He came out as transgender in 9th grade. His mom was surprised by that, but their relationship remained strong, as his mother is his best friend.

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Melissa chose to come out to her close family. It is going great as her mother is also in the LGBTQIA+ community. She chose not to come out to her extended family.

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Lucas didn’t choose to come out. He was outed by his girlfriend when she found out during his sophomore year in high school. Because his siblings were students and his father was the principal, they all knew at that moment. He decided to tell his mom right after school. It was not an option for him.

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Feelings around coming out can be terrifying and make an enormous change in the life of people concerned.

For Ashley, coming out to her family was bigger than coming out to her friends. She was scared to come out, and even regretted it and felt guilty because she knew that it would make a huge change in her life.

Sophia and Lisa prefer for people figuring out by themselves now, around a casual conversation.

Sophia feels more herself in Centenary College and is surrounded by queer people, which makes her feel safe, as it does for Melissa and Ashley.

Melissa and Sophia were feeling anxious about their coming out. For Sophia, most of it is because of stories of kids kicked out of their homes. She still feels anxious, as a part of her identity is "brushing it under the rug. " She feels like she is lying even if it’s not her choice to be seen as her entire self by her parents. As she says: "If you don’t believe me, you are not seeing all of who I am.”

Lucas was also anxious; he didn’t want people to see him differently.

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Steven was nervous because he knew his mother was waiting for a lesbian to come out, not a transgender man. After his coming out, he lost some friends. He is still nervous about people’s reactions when he thinks they know, but they actually don’t. It also depends on the environment he is in. When he was working in Texas, some places were not accepting. He said: "It’s kind of don’t ask, don’t tell thing.”

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Melissa was also nervous because it was unveiling something about herself. —————-

Even if Lisa knew that it would be okay, it was still terrifying for her, like telling people a secret. She came out in middle school, but after going to church, she tried to convince herself and the people around her that she was straight. A few years later, she came out again to a few people, and after that, her ex-girlfriend outed her. She was really mad that she didn’t have the choice to come out, like

Lucas, who said: " I was okay with everyone knowing, but I wasn't able to tell people myself .” —————-

Coming out is still a big thing in our society. We expect people to come out, but in reality, it’s not an obligation.

For Lisa, coming out is a choice and is not necessary. You can be queer without coming out. She added, "For some queer people, coming out is their entrance into the community, and they claim a place that wasn’t given to them.”

Ashley thinks that sexuality is fluid. Coming out is not really necessary in a sense. For Steven, coming out is and isn’t a social contract, like the Schrödinger's Cat. People create a society and expect others to come out if they are not straight or cisgender. Lucas thinks coming out is a rite of passage that shouldn’t be erased.

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In sixty-nine countries, homosexuality is still outlawed. In eleven of them, it’s even punishable by the death penalty. It is also illegal to be transgender in fourteen countries, and is not always socially accepted by others. This is why it’s important that it has to be a choice; consent is crucial here, as it can even threaten your life.

All Names have been changed for reasons of privacy.