From the Archives: Conglomerate predicts doom for Y2K 

December 17, 2023

After months of tedious analysis, study, and divine visions revealed to editor Kari Johnson, Conglomerate predicts that the utter annihilation of the world will mark the beginning of the new millennium. At best, the paper's editorial staff feels that humankind might last until January 2. But it's doubtful. 

It is Conglomerate's belief that the wrath of God will finally obliterate all of  humanity, for its lack of fruitfulness and love towards others. Conglomerate draws this  conclusion primarily from this recent disturbing quote from God himself, communicated to Centenary's campus newspaper and all other world communication superpowers via e-mail: "You shall see my wrath when I obliterate all of humanity." Readers should note that God failed to respond to our pleas imploring for more time to repent or at least watch the AFC championship game. If you would like to try getting in touch with him, his e-mail address is god@aol.com. Of course, fans of God can also pray.

Other predictions for the will stop working at the year 2000 seem pretty meaningless compared to the doom of the earth. Fortunately, God has promised to suspend the eradication of the cosmos just long enough to see if the Y2K bug was worth all of the hype. For instance, people . . .