Letters from Paris
Photo by Sarah Thompson
Thursday, May 12, 2022 – 11:57 p.m.
Dear—
Hello, I write you, while I’m in the “City of Love” without you—my love. There are so many moments and experiences that I wish that I could have shared with you today. I wish that I could have seen your reaction to the show that we just watched. It was entitled “Radicale Vitalité Dance Performance.” It was brilliant, showing through movement (and nudity) the human condition as simple—we are born, and then we die. I would have also loved to walk with you in the Luxembourg Gardens. I could see us sitting on a park bench—me writing and you doodling in our respective notebooks. I can see it so vividly as if we did it.
I would love to spend little moments like that with you for the rest of my days on Earth. Today, I think that I finally realized why people are obsessed with the phrase: “I met the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with.” I realize this through Hendricks’s obsession with expressing to us that here in Paris that this is the “good life.” I cannot help but disagree with him because a “good life” is not possible for me without you here, by my side.
You simply own me—heart, body, and soul.
All my love,
ST
Friday, May 13, 2022 – 4:47 p.m.
Dear—
All-day, I have seen things that you would have loved, from an outdoor flower/plant market to shops with clothing to thrift stores to churches. Every moment felt odd without you by my side. We are going to a show later at the Irish Culture Center, called “The Examination.” Hendricks warned us that there is a gorilla costume in it without any context. We are all a little worried because of the last show that we saw. You would be excited, especially after last night’s adventure.
There was another flower/plant market today that you would have loved best. I could see you twirling through vendors and finding your favorite to purchase. You could wander in there for hours, trying to see which would look best on your window ceil, not thinking about how you would get it home on the plane. “That is a later problem,” you would say.
I am worried about getting you the perfect gift. I want it to be cool and thoughtful and useful. It is hard to buy something for someone who is the best gift getter that I have ever seen. You always find the best things, and I want to do the same for you.
I hope to one day love you as much as you deserve.
All my love,
ST
Saturday, May 14, 2022 – 6:59 p.m.
Dear—
I am currently sitting in the Garden of Luxembourg. Today, I bought you three things that I hope you like. My favorite was the shot glass.
We went to the market today, which you were very jealous of because it is the one that you wanted to go to last time you were here, but Hendricks didn’t give you enough time to really look. I am just jealous of your eyelashes because they continuously kiss your face, and I currently cannot. I hope to be soon past this feeling of incompleteness without you. If not, this summer without you will be even longer than these two weeks are.
You did a tarot card reading today of our future, and it was hopeful and bright. I am very glad. I am not sure that I believe in tarot cards, but I do believe that if it was bad, it would manifest ill will in your heart. I hope that the tarot cards are right, and our future is as it says—endless in possibility.
I am madly in love with you.
All my love,
ST
Sunday, May 16, 2022 – 12:06 a.m.
Dear—
It is technically the following day as I write this because I took a very long shower.
I am sorry that your mother is whispering evil things in your ears—our biggest fears at that. I want to be with you as long as I am living and in your presence for every breath that I take (if you will allow it). So, do not let the devil whisper lies to you.
I wrote a poem about you today in Luxembourg. I implied that you were the devil, which is the last way that I see you.
You are my way, my truth, and my light.
All my love,
ST
Sunday, May 16, 2022 – 11:29 p.m.
Dear—
It has been nearly exactly 24 hours since I last wrote to you.
We went to the Louvre and the Palaris Garnier today. It was gorgeous, and you would have loved both. The Palaris Garnier had the light on in Box #5. The ceilings in the building were breathtaking; you know, however, that I am impartial to a good ceiling from my trip to Italy. In the Louvre, I saw my favorite painting: “Le Déluge” by Girodet-Trison. You would have liked it. It is enamoring to look at, much like your sweet face. We also went to this bar today, called “Harry’s Bar,” home of the first Bloody Mary. The bartender was Italian and very friendly. The drinks were pretty and tasty.
Today, I missed your touch. I would love nothing more than to touch your face with mine. I miss your warmth in the mornings and the evenings and all the moments in between.
I wish you could be here experiencing this all with me. I would love to see your reaction
to the art and culture today. We need to travel together soon—to go somewhere and see it all together for the first time.
All my love,
ST
Monday, May 17, 2022 – 11:57 p.m.
Dear—
As I write you now, I am tired of being without you. I no longer care to be in Paris or Timbuktu if it’s not with you.
We talked earlier today, and I meant what I said when I said that I would get an MFA in New Orleans and wait to get a Ph.D. until you do your postdoc so that we could stay together. As long as we are together, I do not care where I am or what I do, truly. I have all of these dreams and plans, but they do not make sense if you are not there.
I bought you a print from your favorite museum in Paris: the D’Orsay. It reminded me of us in bed, holding on to each other as if life was destined to rip us apart.
I am counting down the seconds until I can do it again.
All my love,
ST
Tuesday, May 19, 2022 – 9:41 a.m.
Dear—
Today’s letter comes really a day late. I was very tired yesterday and went to bed early.
I don’t think that you would have liked the day that I had yesterday. It was not very fun. It was primarily people-pleasing for people that I didn’t want to do it for. You are the only person that I don’t mind pleasing. It feels less like altruism and more like kin selection with you, baby.
Once again, I am missing the feeling of your face pressed against mine. The warmth is unmatched.
All my love,
ST
Wednesday, May 20, 2022 – 8:32 a.m.
Dear—
At this point, I am just a day behind. I keep going to sleep early. I am just exhausted at this point in the trip.
We went to the first-ever department store yesterday. It was comprised of two buildings: the first a mall and the second a giant Whole Foods of sorts. You would have loved the Whole Foods part. I could see you wandering around in there for hours. They had unique pre-packaged foods, fresh produce, and beautiful flowers that I could see you bringing home to me. There was even a whole floor of wine. You would have been in hog heaven.
I miss you loads—mainly when I first open my eyes. My hands cannot help wandering and reaching for your body in the mornings.
All my love,
ST
Friday, May 20, 2022 – 11:04 p.m.
Dear—
I was determined to get back on track, and so here I am.
I saw a black cat today in the Latin Quartier, much like the one that we always dream of getting one day when we “grow up.” When will we grow up? Can it be soon? I am ready to start the rest of our lives together. I want us to give our black cat a good, strong name. Do you have any suggestions? I like the idea of Luna or Shadow or even Salem.
I bought you two books today from Shakespeare and Company—neither of which I have read. One was an Oscar Wilde book that I showed you earlier because I got too excited. The other was a copy of Orlando by Virginia Wolf. I hide my letters that you write me in a copy of a Wolf diary that you bought me, and I figured you could use a copy to hide your letters in as well. It seemed only fair.
I am a little nervous about your reaction to the book. But, you normally like my gifts (or that is what I keep telling myself). You are just such a good gift getter that buying you things is intimidating.
All my love,
ST
Saturday, May 21, 2022 – 9:05 p.m.
Dear—
I just got off the phone with you. It is the first time that I called you on this trip. I showed you some of my purchases. You were all smiley and sweet, and it made me so much more excited to see you.
You would have loved it today. We saw Monet’s, Renoir’s, and Picasso’s paintings. It was lovely. I am quite fond of Impressionism; it is my favorite era. What is yours?
We also went to Versailles today. I would have loved to see your reaction to the Hall of Mirrors. I can see you smiling now and me endlessly snapping photos of you.
I am sorry that you have had a hard day today. Your mother just doesn’t see you as radiantly beautiful as you truly are.
I love you.
All my love,
ST
Sunday, May 22, 2022 – 3:36 p.m.
Dear—
I am currently sitting outside a café on my last day in Paris. We went to Père Lachaise earlier, and now we are waiting for an immersive art exhibit for Cezanne and Kandinsky. It should be like the Van Gogh one that I went to in New Orleans with my mother and Sally.
When I was at Père Lachaise and in front of Oscar Wilde’s grave, I FaceTimed you, so that I could show it to you. I know that it was one of your favorite parts of Paris last time we came. You were so sweet and sleepy on the phone. It was around 8:30 a.m. your time, so it was not even that early. What were you dreaming of, my love, before I awoke you?
I bought us matching rings today at the market. It is my favorite crystal for you and your favorite for me. I keep buying you things because everywhere that I look, I see pretty and cool things that remind me of your sweet face.
I miss that lovely face of yours very much. I would love nothing more than to kiss that spot by your nose that you always geek when I kiss. I cannot wait to be back sleeping in your arms. I don’t sleep as well without you, and I know that you are the same. Perhaps, I am a sap, but I am one for you alone. I have never felt this way before and will never again.
It is now 9:42 p.m. It began to rain, so I had to put up my pen and paper, so it wouldn’t ruin.
The art exhibit gave me a headache that you would have loved. I think you live to feel overwhelmed. We went for ice cream at the café from earlier and then a boat after. The boat was good, but the company was better.
I am going to miss writing to you every day like this. These moments of devotion are not something that I will soon forget; however, I am more excited to see you tomorrow than anything else.
Only 24 more hours apart…
All my love,
ST
